The Wisdom of the In-Between

photo credit : Eric Young

The financial crisis of the late 2000s, just a few years after Jeff’s crossing, hit me hard. It compounded my loss and the debt Jeff and I had grew, only now it was all mine. It was during this time that I fully surrendered to intuitive arting.

I created a mixed media piece: 3D flowers, torn book pages, very little color. It was, quite poignantly, made mostly of scraps and leftovers. I searched for it today without success. I’m sure it’s here somewhere…just not sure where. But that doesn’t really matter. Because it’s the words I wrote on it that I actually needed.

“Written between the lines and tucked in the shades of gray, blossoms life.”
~Julia Frehner

It feels more and more like the divides in life are widening. The more we “know,” the more we separate, pick sides, divide, our opinions seem to get stronger, our heels digging in.

men ~ women
feminine ~ masculine
right ~ left
vaccinated ~ unvaccinated
ave ~ have not
Christian ~ other
judgy ~ non-judgy
artificial intelligence ~ natural intelligence
narrow-minded ~ broad-minded
too much ~ not enough
greed ~ altruism
you’re wrong ~ I’m right
rage ~ calm

You get the idea…or not.

And then there’s the strange dance of moving from side to side but only when it suits. Or refusing to move at all, even when something deeper calls. 
Most things aren’t black and white. Were they ever? The shades of gray have always been. Haven't they?

I don’t know.

But I do know this; something is missing and it's in the in-between. The spaces written in the lines of black and white or tucked in the many shades of gray, all within the nuances of living during this magnificent yet precarious time.

It is, as my quote says, between the lines and within the shades, that the magnificence of life blossoms. And yet, it feels like many of us can no longer see it. Did we ever? Or perhaps we choose not to. Because to truly see the in-between might feel like softening our views or betraying our position. As if acknowledging complexity of the many shades of gray or reading between the lines, somehow weakens truth. Truth. What is truth?

As if justice and truth can only exist on one side. Is it possible there is a third side?
And yet… somewhere in that in-between space, something essential is waiting. And, what if that something could bridge the divide? Held greater truth?

While I can’t quite name it, I can feel it.

With that feel, I’ve also felt out of place, like a non-belonger.

What I can’t do is force myself to see only one side or the other. Most of the time I don't know enough to even be on one side or the other. Maybe that's why I seek the in-between.

For acquaintances in my life, I get it, their need to be one side or the other. For those I love, clients, and myself, it’s different...I now encourage the non-belonging.

Today, in the middle of a conversation this came up for me, and the non-belonger rose, and that’s when my quote clearly spoke, again...all these years later. I spent hours searching for the art piece, until I finally caught myself. Ugh, Julia…it’s simply the words and I gratefully remembered them.

The offering of its medicine began the moment I began creating it. I didn’t know back then what I know now about art being its own entity and medicine carrier. I did, however, have the wherewithal to know it needed to hang on the wall where I could engage with it often.

One day, my father-in-law came by. While I loved that man, he played a significant role in deepening my financial hardship. On that particular visit, he paused in front of my little art piece, studied it, and said, “That is really depressing.”

His words took me by surprise, landing uncomfortably and painfully in my heart.
In an instant, I abandoned my own knowing. I believed him. Surely he was right and I was wrong. This art piece was depressing, not serving me at all. I reached up to take it off the wall, so to throw it away. And then, quite audibly, the piece spoke her words, “Written between the lines and tucked in the shades of gray, blossoms life.”

What a gift it is to see the in-between. To see both sides. To honor what doesn’t belong neatly to one side or the other, because it is living in the space written between the lines and tucked in the shades of gray.

I am authentically grateful to recognize this space for what it is. It is not nothing. It is not empty space. It is a space vibrating with aliveness. Ever blossoming with magnificent life.